


Shake It Out

by shannyfish



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Aldrich Killian is a Bastard, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ashamed, Embarrassment, F/M, Florence & The Machine, Friendship/Love, Gen, Iron Man 3, Pepper Potts Feels, Pheromones, Stark Tower, Stuff From The First Draft, Tony Stark Has A Heart, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 11:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shannyfish/pseuds/shannyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the scene cut from the first script of "Iron Man 3" where Pepper sleeps with Killian because he is so enhanced with pheromones with Extremis.  This isn't THAT scene, but it's the aftermath of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shake It Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Serendifinity](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Serendifinity).



> So this is definitely probably one of my shortest! But I think there’s still a lot in this scene :) Hopefully you enjoy! If you're curious about the article about the first draft script! 
> 
> ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/77967979.html?page=4&cut_expand=1
> 
> Constructive criticism is as always appreciated! Check out my blog on my writing at shannyfish11.blogspot.com

“Regrets collect like old friends  
Here to relive your darkest moments  
I can see no way, I can see no way  
And all of the ghouls come out to play  
And every demon wants his pound of flesh  
But I like to keep some things to myself  
I like to keep my issues drawn  
It's always darkest before the dawn”  
~ “Shake It Out” by Florence & The Machine

 

. . .

 

The world had gone all wrong…again. It seemed like whenever they had a happy moment, it was ripped from them. But now…it was her fault. The actions had been her own.

“Pep,” Tony said from behind her.

Pepper closed her eyes and wondered if she could bear the pain that was coming. She’d been upset with Tony, but that had been no excuse. She knew that. It hadn’t been anything that she’d planned. In fact, she didn’t know what she had been thinking at the time. The fact remained, it had happened. She’d slept with Aldrich Killian and it had been recorded. Tony had seen it, she didn’t know how or when but he had. 

Opening her eyes again, she stared out the glass window at the nightlights of Manhattan. She knew this talk was coming, but it seemed like they’d avoided discussing everything for days. She was just thankful that after everything that Tony was okay. She had her arms crossed over her chest and Pepper wondered who would be there to keep him together. 

If she was gone…

Tears fell from her cheeks as she thought about how life with Tony was all she’d known for so long. She was intelligent and quick and would have no problems finding a job, but that wasn’t the point. She loved him with all her heart, no matter what had happened, Tony was the man that she truly loved. 

“I’m going to go in the morning,” she whispered, trying to keep her upset quiet. She’d already started to pack some of her things that had been in Manhattan. She’d lost most of her things when the house in Malibu had gone into the ocean, but they were just things…she could buy new ones. 

“Pepper, that’s not what I was going to say,” Tony said.

She felt his hand on her shoulder and she turned towards him, her head down. “I don’t want to make things harder…”

He lifted her face and cradled it in his hands. “I don’t blame you…”

“But he didn’t force me,” she whispered with so much shame. Pepper closed her eyes as the tears fell and tried to hold in the sobs that wanted to rack her body. How could he forgive her for what she’d done? They might not have been engaged or married, but what they had…it was close enough. 

“It wasn’t you,” he whispered. “I know you, Pep… You’ve been my everything for so long…”

Pepper opened her eyes to stare at him. He was so sure of her. How could he? She’d betrayed him. She hated herself for doing it, so how could he still love her so much? It was true though, it wasn’t like her. She’d never been unfaithful. She still really couldn’t explain it. 

“Tony, I—“

“If I had done things differently—“

“Are you trying to blame yourself for me sleeping with Killian?” Pepper asked as she pulled back. The tears stopped and she just stared at him blankly. “Tony—“

“Look, I just…I don’t want you to go,” Tony admitted. “Can we have more time to discuss this?”

“Tony, what is there to discuss?” Pepper asked as she stared at him, but kept herself out of his reach. She still didn’t feel like Tony touching her was okay, not now, she was still so ashamed and embarrassed for what had happened. It was like she was filthy. She wiped tears away. “I slept with Killian and I don’t even know why I did it… That’s the end of it.”

“You said you don’t even know why you did it,” Tony said. “What if it’s because of the Extremis?” 

Pepper had thought of that, but none of it made it any better. Even if Extremis was to blame, it wasn’t like she’d been raped. She’d done it of her own free will and she remembered feeling so much lust in that moment, but that had been it. There had been no love or any kind of feeling like that. 

“What if it wasn’t? What if it was simply because I made a bad choice?” Pepper questioned. Tony had taken blood samples from her and all kinds of samples after they’d come back. She’d been convinced that it was what Tony needed in order to get rid of the Extremis in her system. She wondered if he was looking for something else. If he thought that Killian had used something on her. Pepper honestly didn’t know. None of it would help bring her any comfort.

“Do you love him?”

“Absolutely not,” Pepper said quickly and seriously. She was half surprised he’d even asked her that. 

“Do you love me?”

“Yes,” she whispered and looked down.

“And I love you, so really…I think that’s all that matters,” Tony concluded.

Pepper turned away from him and stared back out the window. She didn’t want to bring up every thought that was running through her head, but at the same time…she needed to be absolutely honest with Tony. It wasn’t fair to him to keep her feelings from him. He was making every effort to keep her; if she was going to leave then he deserved to know why she felt like she had to. 

Being a woman meant that there were other risks. She’d been with Tony before Killian and she had no idea if she was pregnant, but it was a possibility. And if she was, there was equal possibility that it could be either of theirs. It scared her, but it was something that she had to live with. 

“What if I’m pregnant?” she asked. 

“It’s been a week, Pep,” Tony said. “But it’s a ‘what if’. There’s no ‘what if’ when it comes to how much I love you.”

“But if I am, it could be pregnant with his child,” Pepper whispered and broke down into tears a moment later. She had to think of all of the possibilities. It had been her job for so long. She didn’t live in a simple world. Things were complex, life was complex, and she had to face that she might have complicated theirs a lot more. If there still could be a ‘theirs’.

Tony put his hands on her shoulder and spun her around again. She looked up at him and she could see it in his eyes. Tony loved her more than anything, anything that she’d done he’d already forgiven, and he wasn’t going to let her go. “I love you… And if you’re pregnant, then we’ll raise our child—“

“Tony—“

“I mean it, Pep…” Tony insisted. “I know it wasn’t you.”

“How do you know?”

“We’ve been over this,” Tony told her. 

“But really…”

“Too much alpha-hypophamine in your system,” Tony said. “Richards over at the Baxter Building has some weird theory… But we both agreed that it’s not something normally naturally occurring…not the levels that were in the samples.”

Pepper stared at him, but she really didn’t know what to think of what Tony had just said. Even if he was right, it didn’t banish the guilt she felt. He forgave her, but that didn’t really seem to be sinking in just then. “I don’t know what to say,” she admitted in a whisper. She was lucky. She’d always thought that she was lucky even with everything that Tony put her through ever since the start of her employment with Stark Industries. If it was even possible, she was even luckier now. She had a man who would do anything for her and would believe in her no matter what. Normal men would have called her a whore or a slut or some other profanity. Not Tony. He just believed that it wasn’t her, the real her. Pepper just needed to believe, but she knew even if he shoved proof in her face that it was going to take time for her to forgive herself.

“Say that you’ll stay with me…” Tony practically begged.

“Tony—“ she barely whispered. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. Forgiving herself was really going to be the hardest part. Maybe it really was true; a person was their own harshest judge.

“Say that no matter what the future holds that we’ll face it together…that we’ll always face it together,” Tony went on.

“And what if Killian isn’t dead?” Pepper asked. It was a possibility. Aldrich Killian’s body had never been recovered. Killian resurfacing and coming after them came in a close second to things that Pepper was scared of. Facing what had happened really was the first. She felt like she was endangering Tony. Pepper knew that Killian was going after Tony for revenge for what he did, but at the same time…she knew that he’d come back for her. 

“We’ll kill him again,” Tony said. “Or you will…” 

“I don’t want Extremis,” Pepper reminded quietly.

“But maybe you need it.”

“Like I need you?” she found herself teasing. It almost surprised her, it was a natural response. Pepper didn’t know where it came from. It was appropriate though. Maybe she really did need to forgive herself and remember where she fit in. She and Tony fit so perfectly, even if he drove her crazy, and she couldn’t deny that. 

“Just like a bad penny.”

Silence passed between them and they just stared at each other. He really had changed. The immature boy that she’d first met was gone. He was her future. She just needed to shake the doubt, worry, guilt, and grief from her system. Pepper knew that Tony was right. Everything he was saying. She just needed to shake it out and move on.

“You’re positive about this?”

“About keeping you close?”

“About everything?”

“I haven’t ever been more serious about anything else in my life,” Tony told her without tearing his gaze from her. It scared her way down deep, but she knew he was telling the truth. Plus, he was serious and Tony was never serious.

“I love you,” she whispered and pulled him to her. She leaned her head against his and closed her eyes. 

This was her home. 

She’d learn to shake it out.

And she’d learn to forgive.

.

.

.

Most importantly, they’d face the future together. 

 

. . .

 

The End


End file.
